


Unusual Methods to Stop a War

by GivemeanID



Series: Unusual Methods [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Aggressive Adoption, Agressive Nurturing, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Crack Treated Semi Seriously, Intersex Male Omegas, Multi, Omega Tobirama, half-Hatake!Tobirama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22305829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: Tobirama is outraged that the Uchiha are so thin. This is a jab at his honor, clearly. There is only one thing to do.He adopts the whole clan.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Izuna/Uchiha Madara
Series: Unusual Methods [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754644
Comments: 92
Kudos: 885





	Unusual Methods to Stop a War

**Author's Note:**

> I read something on the internet about the Uchiha probably being poor, and underfed. And then I once again lost control of my brain ^^

It started with a Uchiha prisonner.

In retrospect, if Butsuma had known it would trigger this whole shitshow, maybe he would have asked somebody else to interrogate the prisonner. But no. He was a trusting father, he knew his second son was gifted when it came to gathering intel - no matter the way - so he asked Tobirama to do it.

Bad idea.

Because one hour later, Tobirama invaded his office, foaming at the mouth, dragging a bewildered Uchiha behind him. The man was tied up, half naked, and his Sharingan had been sealed. He was also looking at Tobirama like the young omega was about to sprout a second head.

\- This is an outrage ! Tobirama roared.

Butsuma stilled. Did the prisonner do something to his precious son ?! Hashirama was peeking inside the room, alerted by the noise.

\- What is wrong Tobirama ? Did he do something to you ?  
\- Look at him father !

Butsuma did so, not knowing what his son was trying to show him.

\- I am looking... what is the problem, son ?

Tobirama's face contorted in a grimace of rage and he hissed.

\- He's too thin ! Look ! You can count his ribs ! He's underfed and underweighted ! This is an outrage ! And what if the other Uchiha are like him ?! Think of the children, father !!

And Butsuma stared at the fuming omega in disbelief. Fuck. He had hoped that particular instinct never manifested in his second son, but of course it had to do and worse it had to manifest for the Uchiha. Time to limit the damages.

\- This is probably nothing, son. This man probably came back from a long and tiring mission, and he lost weight, that's all.

He stared at the Uchiha to make him understand he'd better stick to this version if he wanted to live. Fortunately, the man seemed to get the message.

\- Yes, he said, it's that. Long mission in the desert. There wasn't a lot of food.

Tobirama looked at him scowling. Then he huffed.

\- Fine. But I'm nursing him back to health before interrogating him, he growled.

Butsuma smiled blankly and nodded. Never get between a Hatake omega and the person they were determined to nurture, no matter what, if you wanted to keep your head.

************

Madara felt a pang of worry when he sensed the White Demon's chakra signature pass the Uchiha border at full speed, running in Izuna's patrol's dorection, his chakra crackling with killing intent. Fear seized him, and he caught his gunbai and ran to his brother's help. The White Demon already came in contact with the patrol. Madara sped up. But oddly, the scuffle lasted three minutes at most, and then the White Demon retreated, not having made any victim.

When he reached his brother and his men, it was to find the four warriors stripped down to their underwears, their clothes in tatters, a shocked expression on their faces.

\- What happened ?! Madara asked as he knelt next to Izuna to examine him.  
\- He appeared out of nowhere, and then he disarmed us, and then he STRIPPED us ! Izuna screeched.

Madara raised a brow. That was strange, especially coming from the White Demon. The man was not reputed to leave survivors after all.

\- He was muttering something when he left, Sakuo said, gathering his clothes.  
\- What was he saying ?  
\- I think he was saying "not good, not good".

That left Madara extremely perplexed.

************

It happened five more times in the span of a week. The White Demon appeared out of nowhere, each time targeting a different patrol, then disarmed them, then stripped them to their underwears, never wounding them. He seemed to be more and more disgruntled everytime. 

It was driving the Uchiha crazy.

So, at the next battle, Tajima confronted Butsuma about his son's suspect behaviour. Butsuma just stood there for a few seconds, then looked at the other end of the battlefield, where Tobirama had sent Izuna crashing against Madara with a devastating water dragon, and was now targeting Hikaku, apparently firmly decided to strip him down.

Butsuma facepalmed.

************

It became even weirder after that.

Because one day, the Uchiha woke up to find a pile of fresh meat, several storage scrolls containing enough grain to feed the whole clan for weeks, blankets and a pile a spice cakes, everything neatly ordered in front of their compound. There was a letter too, from Tobirama Senju, that listed meals they could prepare with the ingredients piled in front of their gate.

The Uchiha had never been more beffuddled in their life.

They tested the food for poison, just in case. But there was none, so they kept the food, because they couldn't get rid of so much food, it would be a waste.

It happened again, and again.

At first only base necessity products. But then fancy food started to appear, cheese, fish, game, candies, expensive teas. They tried to catch the elusive omega to ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing, but to no avail. Tobirama Senju was like a shadow.

**************

Due to the Senju second Heir odd behaviour, the battles between the two clans had become rarer and rarer. But there was finally one and Tajima made a beeline for Butsuma, wanting to know what the fuck was going on !

\- What is wrong with your son, Senju ?! Did he forget we are ennemies ?!!

Butsuma stared tiredly at Tajima, before flopping cross legged on the ground and patting the place next to him. Reluctantly, Tajima sat, because he wanted answers, dammit. Butsuma was busy getting bottles of sake out of a storage seal. He gave a cup to Tajima, who accepted it stiffly, on his guards. Then he drank the rest of the bottle in one go, not bothering with a cup. Tajima's eyes widened.

\- Okay, Butsuma said, cheeks a little red and speech quite slurred, you know that Tobirama's mother is a Hatake ?  
\- Yeah ...?  
\- Well, it's a Hatake thing. Tobi's the top omega of the Senju, by rank and power. His instinct tells him it's his duty to make sure nobody's hungry in the clan. Except, with our wealth, it's kinda irrelevant. So his nurturing instincts are upset and he doesn't like that.  
\- Are you telling me your son's nurturing instincts latched on us, Senju ?  
\- Yep !

He downed another bottle of sake in one go.

\- Welcome to the family, man ! he roared with laughter, drunk off his ass.

Tajima looked in disbelief at his merry lifelong rival, then at the other end of the battlefield, where Tobirama had once again stripped Izuna to his underwears and, apparently not pleased by what he was seeing, was proceeding to shove a spice cake in the Uchiha's mouth, screaming he should eat more. Then Tajima looked at his cup, exhausted, and downed it in one go. He then caught the third bottle of sake, uncapped it and started drinking directly at the bottle.

************

Unsurprisingly, the violence between the two clans died down after that. Sure, they were still wary of each other, but they didn't fight anymore. Tobirama was still providing mountains of food to the Uchiha, but this time, he was showing himself.

Surprisingly, the clan warmed up quite quickly to the Senju omega. The children loved him. And Tajima could see that a lot of young alphas - including his sons - were interested. Sighing, the Uchiha Clan Head rubbed a hand on his face. He could sense the disaster in the making. He just could.

Other Senju had started to come with Tobirama to visit the Uchiha. At first, it had been just Hashirama, who had come with the clear intent to hang out with a long suffering Madara. Then, it had been Mito Uzumaki and Touka, who made instant friend with most of the Uchiha kunoichi (Tajima was shivering anytime he heard one of them giggle). Then Senju children. Before a year had passed, it was like the war never happened.

Tobirama was apparently pleased with his work, if the way he chirruped anytime a Uchiha was taking his shirt off (and some of them were taking their shirt off all the time, the little shits) was anything to go by. That didn't stop him from shoving food at them whenever he could.

Another year passed, and before Tajima understood what had happened, they had built a village together, Senju and Uchiha united as one. And Tobirama was spending more and more time with Izuna and Madara, and if the little fuckers thought Tajima couldn't see them preening around like little peacocks because the Provider was interested in them, they were fucking wrong. He was onto them.

But there was no stopping nature he guessed.

So, when one morning Tobirama sauntered out of Madara's and Izuna's room like he belonged there, glowing with satisfaction, half naked, covered in bruises and lovebites and smelling very distinctly pregnant, Tajima decided he had enough. He tracked Butsuma down, dragged him to the nearest tavern and drank him under the table.

************

Ten years later.

Tobirama, pregnant and scowling, was looking up and down the Suna's representatives. He scowled.

\- You're all way too thin, he hissed.

Behind him, Konoha nins collectively facepalmed.

\- Oh gods, here we go again, Tajima bemoaned.


End file.
